It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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