I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
