you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize