What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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