How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
