Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
