i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
