Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
