I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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