Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
