Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
