Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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