I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize