Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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