I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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