I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
