My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
