I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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