It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
BRING THE BAGELS
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
