shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This house was built for laser tag.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
