I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
