That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
