We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
