your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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