Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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