if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
