how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
