Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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