You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
