Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize