you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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