I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
