So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
