Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
