Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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