Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
