I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
