Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
