Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.

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(253): View more from Washington

The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up

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(214): View more from Texas

Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us

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(443): View more from Maryland

booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again

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(850): View more from Florida

HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.

(505): View more from New Mexico

But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess

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(518): View more from New York

True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...

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