So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
In America we eat man semen.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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