I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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