...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize