well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
