Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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