Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize