well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
