I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
