I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
