i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
