I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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