i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
50% drunk capacity currently
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize