I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
