You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
