just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
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You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
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TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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