I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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