She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
