Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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