how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
