we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
