It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
