I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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