I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
