dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
