you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
