i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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